Friday, February 17, 2012

Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom

So I had a play date the other day. 

My very first one. 

It's where moms get together to let their kids play while they get some other adult interaction.

It was nice.

Bridge was the youngest. She sat on my lap and with bleary eyes watched the other kids play (it was nap time.)
I was selfish enough to sacrifice her nap time so I could reach out to other human beings.

As I chatted and got to know the other ladies I started to feel inadequate.

"Yeah, I started going to school when I was pregnant with my first, and I have been in school ever since."
(She is pregnant with her fifth due in May)
"I really hope this baby isn't clingy because I am starting nursing school in the fall."

"I know, going to school is the worst when you have kids. I failed two classes when my baby was a newborn, but now I am 3 weeks away from graduating."

"I teach aerobics." (and the primary president)

"I do hair."

"I have 4 kids and home-school all of them."

"I work part-time."

"I am a dental hygienist."

"I am so busy all the time, luckily today is my day off."
"Oh really, what do you do?"
"Music lessons, and I don't start teaching until 4:00 today so it feels like its my day off."
"Very nice, what kind of music lessons?"
"So, what do you do?"
"I stay at home with Bridget."
"Wow that would be so nice. What do you do all day?"
"Uh............. I clean, and cook, play with Bridget, and make curtains?"

I decided not to mention that I only clean sometimes, that I blog, and some days neither Bridge nor I get our of our pj's.
On more than one occasion my conversation with Trevor has gone something like this:
"Ok, scenario, if you had a chance to win a T.V and a scooter OR a trip to South Beach what would you choose?
"I would....."
"Oh really, well the lady on price is right or let's make a deal did...."

Sure, there are the days that I feel completely lazy but I try to make those few and far between.

 I feel like I am not busy enough though.

But when I am honest with myself I don't want to be so busy. I like that I can literally play with Bridget all day. I assume it only happens with the first baby, but she gets my attention.

I know it wasn't any of the ladies intention to make me feel inadequate. 

So I am going to choose to remember:
-I actually do do quite a bit.
-I am extremely grateful I finished my schooling before I was even married.
-I get to spend everyday with my baby.
-I have become a much better cook than I ever knew I was capable of.
- We are incredibly blessed that we can live off Trevor's income so I don't have to work, one day that may change.
-My life will inevitably get busier, so there is no point in filling it with things I don't really want to do now, just so I can fit in. 

I am grateful for my life and what I have now.

p.s. I really enjoy all the ladies and I am excited to have them as my friends. I adore them already. And since they have gone through all the baby stuff before I am so grateful when they answer my never ending questions. 


  1. April I loved this post.

    So much to say.

    First, all these ladies were where you are once.

    And my confession is, my first baby was harder than my three now. The reason is is IT'S ALL NEW!!

    Yeah, all these ladies may say, "If I only had one baby at home, my life would be SOOO easy," and balk at what on earth you must do all day. When in fact when they were there they probably most certainly don't handle it as well as you are. I know I didn't. I was a stress case!

    Yet, now when Reagan and Lincoln are out and I just have McKinley it is heaven on earth. BUT I am more experienced now and it makes all the diference. It actually makes me feel quite good. I am growing in this life. I am improving. When "stay at home moms" may never feel like they are "achieving" or growing in the worldly since, WE ARE in the most NOBLE way.

    I think you are SO wise to not take offense, it is so hard, and I have felt so inadequate on so many occasions. But April, you are the WISE one, you are finding abundant joy in the simple life. I hope I never clutter my life so much to forget to see gold in the simple.

    Love you girl!

  2. April,
    I love how honest you are. I have been in that situation a few times. We are so lucky to have finished school before, and so lucky to stay at home. I love that I have no schedule or obligations. I soak in the days of pj's and movies.

    There have been multiple people say to me, "You are so lucky, you have no kids in school, you can pick up and do what you want whenever you want. Enjoy it while you can" and that's what I am doing.

    You are such a good Mom. Bridget is one lucky girl! I agree with your friend, you are handling it really well! It is such a crazy change. I barely answered my phone the first 2 or 3 months. It is so hard, especially when your baby doesn't sleep. I loved Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. The first week was really hard, but after that, it was great!

  3. I agree with both the above comments. I think it's so easy to start comparing ourselves to other moms/women. It's great to have other women to look up to, just as long as we aren't putting ourselves down in the process. And it's great that you have so much time to spend with Bridget, and do other things too. Just enjoy it!

  4. M suggestion is to have your next outing at an art museum. Then you can go around and explain all the pictures, who painted them, what time period they are from etc., and how you lived in Europe to study art, and they will all feel very intimidated. :-)

    Seriously, though, that is life. You will feel intimidated by others and there will be some who will be intimidated by you. The important thing, I think, is to learn to be comfortable with your choices and to learn what you can from, and appreciate value the experiences and choices of others.

    Oh, but about being home taking care of just one child . . . I have had Enoch (Ryan and Kali's little boy) for a couple days this week and I didn't get ANYTHING else done. Nothing at all!! Not even dinner. I thought I could work when he took a nap but I was so exhausted I took a nap too!! I had forgotten how hard it is to care for a baby.

  5. April,
    Just be happy to not have all the stress of doing other things. Trust me, I worked when Capri was 4 months old and it was so stressful. I would either be worried about her or my job, etc. Not worth it. I am like you. I love being at home and get to enjoy my time with my baby who is only a baby once. They grow up so so fast. Thanks for sharing!

  6. YEA! Here is to jammies and stressing over sleep training and teething! Love it, and you. Motherhood is the hardest and greatest work we'll ever do:)

    Love you!