Friday, July 1, 2011

Spiders

I am surprised I am not more afraid of spiders seeing as though I have had a few run in's with them. Currently our house is... I wouldn't say infested per se, but we definitely kill quite a few spiders on a weekly/daily basis. (It probably has something to do with the empty fields and pastures that surround our house.

So this morning, I was on my way to work, driving a long on the freeway when low and behold a spider comes dangling down right in front of my face!
picture: via
So I shriek a little bit, but I'm driving and I have no way of outrunning the thing and I can't kill it because it's in midair! What do I do?! For some reason it felt way more important to dispose of this little spider than to actually pay attention to the 2 ton machinery I was operating at 75 miles per hour. So as I tried swatting at the string while trying to make it so the spider wouldn't drop in my lap I may have been swerving in and out of the lanes, but alas the spider did drop! Luckily it was on my foot, so I stomped on it with my other foot. At this point I finally look up out the windshield feeling relieved but somewhat disgusted that I had spider guts on my foot instead of a loose spider crawling all over my body. As I corrected my steering wheel and got more in the center of my chosen lane, a grandma in her Buick passes me with her middle finger glaring me down... I don't blame her one bit.



Would you like to hear more of my past with spiders?

This one is a good one.

It was the last few days of Summer and I was heading back up to Rexburg for my very last semester of college, ever. My room was a disaster as I was trying to pack everything up to move. I had been out with my friends one night and by the time I got home I was exhausted, I had a few blankets and my laptop on my bed so as I went to move my laptop out of the way I saw something move. I looked a little closer and it was a huge spider with a massive white butt! Talk about making your skin crawl! I audibly screamed but unfortunately my parents and brothers were out of town so no one was there to rescue me! I was so sicked out I couldn't go anywhere near the spider so I just left it and went upstairs to sleep in my parents bed.

Well when the next day came so did the stark realization that I had to pack up my entire room and I left an abnormally large and disgusting spider loose in my room. I looked around where it had been the night before but I didn't find anything so I put tube socks, rain boots, and a scarf on (to protect myself from the heinous monster) and went to work. Not too long later I was folding the blankets that were dumped on my bed when I folded one back and there was the monstrous white-butted beast! I screamed a little more and then did a very noble thing, I called up my buddy to come kill it for me. Bless him, he really did come over to kill the spider that was in my bed. (I just realized that could totally be a pick-up line "come save me, there is a spider in my bed!") When he saw the spider he determined that it would be better to catch it rather than kill it. Sure, whatever, just get it out of my bed!!!!!

My hero! he catches the disgusting spider and I immediately google it to figure out just how poisonous white-butted spiders are. Now here is where it gets worse/better, later that night I go to check on my creature and there are a ba-gillion little spiders all over it's back and all around the glass! (see above picture) That horrible monstrous spider was PREGNANT!!!! And it almost had all of it's horrible baby spiders IN MY BED!!!!! I should be traumatized, right?!


On a completely non related subject I decided to make cookies to take to our neighbors that moved in next door but I ended up taking the dough to work with me today and I ate all the chocolate chips out of it.


Why can't I be a better neighbor?

5 comments:

  1. Haha April this post is totally random! It cracks me up!

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  2. From spiders to cookie dough. I had the same exact thought process just the other day. :) Actually...I'm just patronizing you. ha

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  3. Oh my gosh I hate spiders so much! And the one with babies on it's back is pretty much my worse nightmare...bleah!

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  4. April you are too funny. I was waiting for the end of your story to say "and then I found 5 bucks!"

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  5. You are so funny! I miss your stories!

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