Feeling: Rotund

Someone asked me how I was feeling the other day, I said "Rotund."

I then walked away thinking Rotund? Where did that come from?

When I think of rotund I think of THE ROTUNDA. You know, the awesome building that looks like the Pantheon?

So I decided to make sure I knew that rotund actually applied to me so I checked my thesaurus.

First word I noticed:

Beefy.

Yep, definitely applies. 

On a side note...

9 Months Pregnant

Officially I am nine months pregnant with 3.5 weeks left to go.

How am I feeling?

I am excited to give birth so my maternity clothes will fit again.

 Seriously.

I do laundry every three days.

However, I kind of hope she stays in there until October. Is that messed up? I really do.

Belly picture to come, maybe tomorrow.

Am I Ready?

I have been so lucky to have some great baby showers and I took all these pictures of the darling outfits Bridgey is going to look so cute in.

Then tragedy struck and my camera died, I can't find the charger... it's because I cleaned.

Does that ever happen to you? You know where everything is when things are messy and as soon as you clean you can't find a thing?

That is probably too much information on me.

Part of the whole reason one has a blog is to provide proof that one is perfect.

In fact, in the coming months you will see all the amazing DIY projects I will have completed while making organic baby food with one hand and breastfeeding with the other. And of course I will have perfectly coiffed hair in my spotless / awesomely decorated house. (with all pictures being uploaded directly from pinterest.)

So last week my awesome sister-in-law Stacy threw me a baby shower. It was lovely, I love seeing wonderful women I don't get to see on a regular basis.

From the group I was given a carseat.

Carseats are supposed to make you feel safe and secure, but I was amazed at how I felt complete utter relief when I saw it.

I almost wanted to start crying. "She can come home now!"

It was weird.

I felt like it didn't matter what else we had for this baby everything was going to work out because we now have a carseat.

She really likes it too, I asked her and she gave a good solid roundhouse kick to my liver.

That means yes.

Deep Thoughts

By: Jack Handey April Millar

I am supposed to lay off the wheat.

Mostly because it gives me major heartburn but also because I could definitely use less carbs in my life.

So what did I cut out?

The crust on my sandwiches.

 For some reason growing up I always thought I needed to eat the crust on the sandwich because it's the worst part so therefore it has to be the most healthy, right?

Like with potatoes or apples.

It was only a few weeks ago when I was choking down the outer rind of my PB&J when I realized there are no more nutrients in the crust than in the rest of the bread!

 Best. Day. Ever.

Here is a recent text conversation between Trevor and me in consecutive order:

April: "Thanks for not having tiny hands"

Trevor: "Tiny Hands?"

April: "Every time I see someone with little hands and they wave them around while they talk I get all distracted. It looks funny."

(3 min lapse in time)

April: "Oh man Trev, I'm feeling Chinese"

Trevor: "What does that feel like?"

(We get a lot done in the day.)

I would so much rather have the stomach flu than a sore throat. I know because I threw up in my garbage can at work 2 days ago, and today I woke up with a sore throat. I compared, and today is way worse. 

You thought from the picture that this was going to be very introspective and inspiring.

I guess I'm just not one of those blogs. Ye be warned.

Whoops

OK, imagine, you are on a first date, better yet a blind date! I seriously hope everyone who reads this has had or will have the opportunity at at least one blind date in their lives. It's a right of passage, you haven't really lived until you have been on a blind date.

This post actually has nothing to do with blind dates although my friend Nycole has had her fair share of them and I keep trying to get her to write a book about all her dating experiences. It would be a "pee-your-pants-laughing-so-hard" kind of book.

So you are on this date, it's typical, awkward, especially at the beginning as you try to get to know one another. After you have exhausted all the regular questions:

-What are you studying?

-Where do you work?

-How many siblings do you have?

-If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

The salads haven't even come out yet so you move on to the next round of questions. Here it comes...

-What is your most embarrassing moment??

Now I don't get embarrassed easily and maybe what others think are embarrassing I just don't, so I never had a great answer for this question. Until one day I pretty much had a horrifying experience and I thought to myself after it all "you know what, that was pretty embarrassing." 

  

It was my Senior year. I was 17 years old. I was getting ready to go to college and had joined this club called PLT (peer leadership team) It was a service club. It was a blast, a lot of my friends were in the club, and we got to do some really great things. One thing in particular was that we would go to local Elementary schools and teach the kids who were behind in their classes how to read. One day we were at a training for this program which was an all day thing. We had just had lunch and returned to the room where we were all mingling before the next series of trainings began. I was in a small group of girls chatting when I looked over at one of my buddies, Joe Bishop (the name has been changed to protect the innocent).

Joe is a really nice guy. Everybody likes Joe, he was our senior class president. Another nice thing about Joe is that he is a pretty unconventional guy. He was also the founder / president of the unicycle club and is just a funny, quirky guy.

As I looked over at Joe he had a long rope like thing hanging out of his pocket, intentional, like those guys that have the chains hanging off their belts.

When I saw it I immediately thought of boondoggle.

You remember boondoggle, right? Super cool in 4th grade? Long strip of plastic you can get in any color imaginable that you make into killer key chains (Napoleon Dynamite anyone?)

Oh good, now that you remember I won't look as stupid as I finish this story.

Where was I, oh yes, boondoggle hanging out of his pocket. (he is a pretty unique guy, not unbelievable for him to really have boondoggle hanging out of his pocket.) But not only was it boondoggle it was GLOW IN THE DARK boondoggle. How did I know? Glow in the dark stuff is always the same color, as indicated in the picture above.

So what do I do? In mid conversation I yell out "BOONDOGGLE!!!!" and I lunge to grab hold of the plastic cord. Very unfortunate Joe happened to be turning away from me at the same moment I grabbed hold of the hoop. It all happened so quickly and I was having a hard time processing why I heard a yelp of pain as the boondoggle released from the pocket and remained clutched in my hand.

As it was taking years for everything to click in my brain, one teeny tiny detail about Joe shot to the forefront of my mind making me gasp audibly.

Joe Bishop has diabetes.

Do you know what that means?

Oh yes it does, it means I ripped poor Joe's insulin pump out of his stomach... all in the name of boondoggle.

With a shaky hand I gave back his insulin pump and in a hushed voice I said "oh.... I am so sorry."

In response Joe said: "I need this insulin, I had a pop at lunch."

Yikes!

After a solid 15 min of watching him poke himself in the stomach he finally got it in and all was well. I don't know what is was like for him, but for me it was utter torture.

I was so horrified I didn't tell anyone what had happened but for the next few days people kept coming up to me saying "So I heard you almost killed our president?"

Word spread like wildfire and even months later we could be in a group of people and if there was a lull in the conversation somebody would just say "boondoggle" and everyone would crack up (including Joe).

The moral to this story:

Your mom's not kidding when she says keep your hands to yourself.

You Wanna Bet?

I have noticed that most people especially those in marital relationships have a system on how they deal with those unwanted tasks or disagreements that come up usually on a daily basis...

- Who is going to take out the garbage?

- You think bathroom has NOT been cleaned. He thinks it has.

- Lets get Mexican for dinner. I'd like Chinese.

- I think your pregnant. No, I'm not.

So what is a fail proof way to quickly alleviate any further discussion?

Rock Paper Scissors of course.

via: pinterest

But for some reason rock paper scissors is not mine and Trevor's go to system.
We are daredevils! we live our lives on the edge, major risk takers! or we just really like rewards. (and probably in my case I am enjoy being right all the time). So as very important situations arise when we have differentiating answers/ideas/opinions we put a healthy wager on the table. 

For example:

Ape: "I think my bellybutton is going to pop out."

Trev: "Let me see. No, I don't think it will. It still has a long way to go."
Ape: "So do I, and she is just going to get bigger in there. I'm kind of amazed it hasn't popped out yet. And look, when I pull on the sides it pokes out. It's only a matter of time."
Trev: "Yeah but your bellybutton right now still has a hole and even when you pull on it it's soft. It won't pop out."
Ape: "Do you want to bet?"

Like I said, we only reserve the betting for very serious matters.

Unfortunately this conversation happened a few weeks ago and I my bellybutton still has not popped out (the crazy thing is I really don't want it to, but I want to win... man life it tough).

But then I was talking to my mom the other day about popped out bellybuttons and she said:

 "Bellybuttons don't usually pop out if you had belly fat before you were pregnant."

Thanks for always telling it like it is mom.

So I guess it's safe to say Trevor will win this one and I won't get a romantic date night and he will get the fuel pump for his dune buggy.

34 weeks

Dear Bridget,

Guess what? I will get to hold you in my arms anywhere from 4-8 weeks from now. That's nuts. I love this anticipation thing, you are way more exciting than Christmas. I just can't wait! 

So I was talking to your auntie Sarah the other day and she was telling me what your cousin Briggs is going to be for Halloween. And it hit me like a ton of bricks... You are going to be here for Halloween!!!!! That means we get to dress up! One of your mama's favorite things to do is dressing up. Do you know what you want to be? Not really on your mind yet? Ok, don't worry, I'm on it. I will come up with something great.

Are you getting big in there? People seem to think my belly is huge. Their exact words are: You look "like you're about to pop!" Then when I tell them we have 6 weeks left they act shocked like your due date should have been yesterday. I don't feel huge, I don't even waddle when I walk yet (well I do waddle when my bladder is exceptionally full, but I did that kind of waddling before you were in my belly.) Don't you worry Bridge, you just keep growing and we will show them what "about to pop" looks like.

I love you.

Love,

Mom

34 weeks

Hypocricy?

Is it beyond pathetic of me to say I really don't like cell phones when I carry around 3 of them?

It's true I really do have three of them; I have a work cell, a personal cell, and we used to have iphones before I got angry at our phone bill and canceled them but I still carry it around to take pictures with (and for other apps I use). However, they are more often than not out of battery or on silent so I don't answer them anyway.

And now for a visual,

here is an awkward picture of me expelliarmus-ing Trevor's cell phone out of his hand. In a movie theater. They have like 1,214 ads before the movie begins to turn off your phone.

"But they are so convenient April"

Sure they may be conveninet, but they have ruined human interaction... or enhanced it ...

I haven't quite decided yet.

Memories in the Making

I have some great memories from my old house, the house I lived in until I was 9. But one of the greatest memories I have was of the big grape vine we had along the side of our house. In the late Summer those grapes would get nice and ripe and diffuse the most intoxicating aroma. To this day if I get a whiff of that smell I am immediately a child again. We would pick them by the handfuls and gobble them up as we played "fairies" or "dust storm" or "wolves"or..... I could go on, I had a very active imagination, but in the most general term my games were very dramatic interpretations of  "house."

But then, we moved. 
To a beautiful home on the mountain (which was fantastic because now my games had a legit setting to them).  Unfortunately the grapes did not follow. But something else sprung up (because that's how it happens, I definitely didn't see my dad plant them) and has been creating memories with our family every Summer since.

cue: The Raspberry Patch!

Somehow it gathers us together, we all return during harvest time to pick the berries, and make jam.

There are no such thing as child labor laws around here.

Everyone helps.

I am sure Bridget will love the Raspberry patch, she already LOVES the jam. she squirms with pleasure every time I eat it.

What Summer memories do you have?

Dear Trevor,

How do you really feel about shopping?

A Recipe To Get A Husband

Judging by my post title you might think I have a cheesy poem like:
1 cup of confidence
3/4 cup of friendship
a dash of makeup
Bake for 6 months slowly raising the temperature and VOILA! You have yourself one genuine husband!

But no, I have an actual recipe that will get you an actual husband.

I have proof.

If you have read the little "bio" towards the bottom of this page you will notice I said that I "wooed Trevor on a popular social media." So here for your viewing pleasure you can read what awkward great flirters we are: (you need to start at the bottom and read up to get it in order.)

Yes that's right, all my single ladies, the recipe to getting yourself a husband is:

BRAN MUFFINS!

Not only is this recipe delicious, it will keep everyone who consumes it "regular."

It's a win, win, win situation.

I have to give credit where credit is due, this is my sister Monica's recipe, whom is a phenomenal cook. I do not joke, she has indeed been asked if she took "cooking classes in heaven." I can't make this stuff up (but apparently the equivalent to Mr. Collins in modern form can, as he used this exceptional pick-up line at a Sunday dinner that included her husband and 5 children. Poor bloke is still the brunt of many Steed jokes today.)

Bran Muffins:
(Add ingredients in order)

4 cups All Bran

1 cup shortening

2 cups boiling water
(after you pour the water in let stand 2 min then stir together.)

2 cups sugar
1 quart buttermilk
5 cups flour
4 beaten eggs
5 tsp soda
2 tsp salt
350 degrees - 15 min

The best part about this recipe is that it makes a ton aaaannnd it's refrigeratable!!!!! Which means I pull the bran muffin mixture out of my fridge each morning, plop them into the muffin tin and in 15 min I have fresh homemade muffins!!!! I can get 12 muffins every morning for about 4-5 mornings. Best breakfast ever.

My batter that I pulled out of the fridge:

Plop.

and done!

And that my friends, is how I got myself the most incredible man I have ever met!

Donnley, Idaho

 This is where we spent the Millar family vacation

 Isn't it fantastic?