9 months on, 9 months off, right?
Not so much.
I have been frustrated with my weight and my body especially after the initial disappointment of not fitting right back into my pre-baby clothes.
For a while I threw tantrums. Full on melt downs when I had to get dressed. Trevor would come into our room where I was crying on the floor one pant leg as far as it would go (up to my knee) surrounded by all the other pants in my closet. "Nothing fits me!" I sobbed.
Now here is where I have hands down the most amazing husband in the whole world. He would gather me into his arms, every wobbly bit, and sincerely profess his love for me, my body, and for our daughter that lived and grew so protectively inside my pudgy parts. It is amazing how even in those moments he could turn my feelings of disgust and somehow I would feel beautiful.
So I began to take a new approach.
Ok, I told myself, it took some time to get here (not much) so I will give myself some time to get the extra weight off. Even though it's not fair at all that all of my sisters and my mom slipped right back to pre-baby body after all their kids. Rude.
But I have been surprised at my results.
As I work out and eat as well as I can, the pounds are still pretty much there. But instead of feeling disappointed I actually am coming to embrace my curves.
Don't get me wrong, I would love to have the body I had before being pregnant.
But I realized why make myself miserable and everyone around me miserable when no one but me cares?
I could be a size two but unless I have a smile on my face no one still would want to be around me.
Because in fact, I still do have the body I had before I was pregnant, but it's wiser now. It completely transformed itself to house a miracle.
I feel sad that instead of praising my body for all it did to adequately grow and sustain another human life, I hated on it, and looked at it with revulsion.
Since realizing my evil thoughts and actions I have been trying to come to a place of acceptance and forgiveness.
As I get closer I find that I feel stronger. My body and I work together better. I have a greater desire to take care of my body and it takes better care of me.