Me and my Body

9 months on, 9 months off, right?

Not so much.

I have been frustrated with my weight and my body especially after the initial disappointment of not fitting right back into my pre-baby clothes.

For a while I threw tantrums. Full on melt downs when I had to get dressed. Trevor would come into our room where I was crying on the floor one pant leg as far as it would go (up to my knee) surrounded by all the other pants in my closet. "Nothing fits me!" I sobbed.

Now here is where I have hands down the most amazing husband in the whole world. He would gather me into his arms, every wobbly bit, and sincerely profess his love for me, my body, and for our daughter that lived and grew so protectively inside my pudgy parts. It is amazing how even in those moments he could turn my feelings of disgust and somehow I would feel beautiful.

So I began to take a new approach.

Ok, I told myself, it took some time to get here (not much) so I will give myself some time to get the extra weight off. Even though it's not fair at all that all of my sisters and my mom slipped right back to pre-baby body after all their kids. Rude.

But I have been surprised at my results.

As I work out and eat as well as I can, the pounds are still pretty much there. But instead of feeling disappointed I actually am coming to embrace my curves.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to have the body I had before being pregnant.

But I realized why make myself miserable and everyone around me miserable when no one but me cares?

I could be a size two but unless I have a smile on my face no one still would want to be around me.

Because in fact, I still do have the body I had before I was pregnant, but it's wiser now. It completely transformed itself to house a miracle.

I feel sad that instead of praising my body for all it did to adequately grow and sustain another human life, I hated on it, and looked at it with revulsion.

Since realizing my evil thoughts and actions I have been trying to come to a place of acceptance and forgiveness.

As I get closer I find that I feel stronger. My body and I work together better. I have a greater desire to take care of my body and it takes better care of me.

9 Months

Oh sweet daughter of mine, I am absolutely smitten with you. 
More and more I can see little characteristics in you that are like your family. Then there are things about you that are completely yours.


You are mellow, like your daddy. You don't mind getting off your schedule, you go with the flow. As long as you are in sight of your mom or dad not a thing bothers you. You rarely scream or cry,  but if you could you would sit in your mom's lap all day. 


You are a people watcher, like your grandma Ruthie. It's hilarious actually that you can be so young but yet thoroughly enthralled with the next table over. We were at dinner recently and you turned completely backwards in your highchair to stare without abash at the people behind us. They tried playing with you, making faces and talking sweetly to see if you would respond, with a  stoic expression you openly analyzed them.


You get distracted easily, like your momma. Some days I can't keep up as you flit from one thing to the next, one area of the house to the other. 


You put your legs and feet up on everything, like your auntie Monica. I purposely put your highchair tray on tightly so you can't get any legs up and always the next thing I know somehow your little toesies are peaking up over the edge of the tray. 


Your ears poke out a little, like your Great Grandpa Bryce. Oh my goodness they are so cute.


You are a story teller, like your momma, complete with excellent facial expressions. If I were to guess what you were saying I think I would get pretty close. 


You are empathetic like your cousins, Carli and Hailey. When one of you cry, you all cry. You must be able to feel each others pain. 


You definitely inherited:
*The "Millar Stare" when the TV is on (un-penetrable). 
*And the "Steed Smile" (big and toothy).


You are just plain the sweetest. 
I think we keep trying to see ourselves in you to make us feel good about ourselves. Because if a little bit of what you are is in us...I think we will be alright.

Before / After: Garden

Before 

 After

 Before

 After

(The front one didn't quite get the memo that it was supposed to grow.)

Look at my herbs! I have already used them in my cooking!

(Basil, Parsley, Chocolate Mint)

I have to be honest, I'm completely surprised. 

I didn't think it was in me to get something grow. But I should have known I would be successful, I had a fail proof plan....stay out of it and let Trevor tend to the garden. 

Last pictures from the Cabin, I promise.

Angie & Kiddies 

(Jared missed his flight by 1 minute, poor guy)

Jamie & Terrence Fam

                                Trevor & April Fam                              Mandy & Chitlins

Dusty & New Fiance Courtney

Bj & Stacy Fam

Bryan & Jude

Grandparents with almost all grandkids.

Congratulations to Dusty and Courtney on their engagement. They got engaged a week before...I think it may have been a little overwhelming for her to meet the whole family at the same time.

Can't imagine why.

We are excited to have you in the family Courtney.

p.s. Trevor and his brothers tend to have competitions with their facial hair. 

This year: Who can grow the best "Monkey Tail"

Gross.

This is how the Millar family plays...

Can't go to Idaho without hitting up some hot springs.

We just plain have fun together.

Millar Family Vaca!

A week at a cabin, in the mountains, all together, just does a family good.

My Baby Daddy

I think they look so much alike in this picture. 

He must be her daddy.

My 8-month-old's Favorite Thing To Do.

She looks so innocent, right? 

Just playing with cords, no big deal.

Oh ho, ho! Don't let her fool you.

She has a new favorite activity.

I was in the other room when I heard this deep ripping noise. I kept thinking none of her toys make that sound. 

Low and behold it was just the insides of the couch.

The little turkey.

 I realize these couches are old. They definitely had some wear in them. 

But I never realized they would only make it through one child.

The Big Announcement.....

Have you ever seen someone drag out their news this long? 
Me either, how annoying.

I will explain why.


Ok are you ready for it?


You sure?




I am sure you are loving the anticipation, doesn't it release some sort of happy hormone when you anticipate? 


No? 


Oh, it's anxiety it releases?


I guess that makes sense.




I would really like to thank all the guesses. A few of my favorites:
-I'm getting a mini van. (I wish!)
-Traveling back in time in a Delorean. (If Only, unfortunately it's been done) 
-Moving to St. George. (I love me some sun all year)


But no, you are all wrong.




Without further ado.


Drum Roll Please.....

WE ARE DEBT FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We paid off the last of our student loans on Friday. 
You guys, it has been a long time coming and I can't even begin to describe how amazing it feels. 


When Trevor and I got married we knew we both had some debt. 
(in fact when Trevor asked my Dad for permission to marry me, my dad asked him if he knew what he was getting into? And that I am a debt magnet. I feel that was a bit of an exaggeration, but I guess he has a flare for the dramatics.)


We didn't know how much exactly we were in until about a week after the honeymoon.
We sat down to look up exact numbers and let me tell you, if you want to blast the honeymoon phase away we couldn't have done it better had we had a nuclear bomb.


$49,583.06


Excuse me, what??????


Yes that's right, nearly $50,000 in debt. Brand new married, recently graduated, jobless, and $50,000 in debt! 


I will break it down for you:
-over $9,000 in credit card (I just want to say that I have never had a credit card in my life...and I am the debt magnet?)
-$11,000 car payment
-just under $20,000 in student loans
-$10,000 in personal loans from family members.


What in the world were we going to do?


As one of our wedding gifts we had gotten The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. I was familiar with Dave's name, my parents took his Financial Peace University classes but I really didn't know what it was he taught.


We listened to the book together. And we became greatly encouraged that it wasn't the end of the world. We could handle this.


So we scrimped and saved $1,000 for an emergency fund. 
And onto our debt snowball we began.


It was really tough the first year. 
Mind you, it was 2009, good jobs were hard to come by.
I was working at Ross for $8.00 an hour and Trevor was working at Checker auto parts for $9.00 an hour. 
Believe me, our degree's weren't in retail.
But we luckily had the generosity of my parents for letting us live in their basement for a year.


Trevor sold his beloved truck, his baby, his firstborn. He was devastated, but now there was nothing holding us back.


We worked so hard. Every paycheck we earned we sat down together and discussed where every single dollar was going. 


It expanded our communication. Because we were talking about money it spilled over and we talked more and more about everything in our lives...even feelings.


It united our goals. We both desperately wanted the same thing.


It has taken the unknown out of money managing. We BOTH know exactly what our money is doing.


We had a baby, we took what we learned from the Dave Ramsey strategy and we were able to have her completely payed for before she was even born. 


I was laid off 6 weeks after she was born while on maternity leave. But because of the way we had been living our lives we could easily live on Trevor's income and still pay down debt. It was slower and things were tighter but we were comfortable in our lifestyle, we lived within our means.


Ultimately, it has strengthened our marriage. 


What blessings disguised in $50,000 of debt.


But it took 3 years of being completely focused. 
We had the goal of paying off the last of it by our anniversary (June 6th.) We payed off the last of it June 1st!


I personally feel that debt is the modern day bondage. It is voluntary slavery. We were slaves to our jobs just so we could hand over everything we earned. 


This new freedom is invigorating. 
We feel as though we could go anywhere and no collector or credit card or government agent would know or care. 


We don't owe anyone anything!


I think it's really going to sink in when we get the next paycheck and it stays in our savings. When we get to see our money grow.


However, now that I just told you how awesome we are and how hard we worked I really need to let you know the secret for our finances....


Paying tithing.


Really though. The first thing we did always was to pay our tithing. And I know that those months that were really tight or we found ourselves in some very sticky situations. The math just didn't add up, and yet somehow we always came out unscathed. 


Tithing is a sacrifice, no doubt about it. It's rough giving 10% of your income away. But man oh man, the miracles come rolling in when you do it. 
It is now the easiest thing we do, we have been blessed more than I think we even realize because of tithing.




Ok so I bet you are wondering why it has taken me four days to make this announcement, and why I decided to drag you through it? (It wasn't intentional.)


We were hoping to get on the Dave Ramsey radio show and do our "Debt Free Yell." But we found out there is a long process to it.


(If you don't listen to Dave Ramsey, you should! If you live in Utah his show is on from 7-10pm 105.7 FM. If you don't live in Utah just visit daveramsey.com and you can listen on the internet.)


I will explain the process, so when you call Dave you will know.
First you call and leave a message. (we may have left several messages every day.)
Then they call you back if they think they might want to use you on the show. 
They then send you a pre-screening email. (this is where we are now).
If everything goes through and they like your question/story you could be on the show in 7-10 days.


I was hoping when I made the announcement that we were debt free I could tell you we were on the Dave Ramsey show and link it up so you could listen. But obviously, it takes some time.


So, we are crossing our fingers to be on the show, and when we are I will let you know so you can be so excited for us. :)


Thanks everyone for sticking with us. We are beyond ecstatic. Love all around!

The Side No One Has Seen Before

It's been three years now. 

Not that the bloom has rubbed off, 

but I think it's time to show you the less glamorous side of June 6th 2009.

not a fan of the lipstick

 .....not.....quite......there......grunt.

 We are really good dancers.

This wasn't on purpose.

Happy Anniversary My Love. 

Time has told me that I love you immeasurably more today than I did on this day three years ago.