Deep Thoughts

By: Jack Handy April Millar 

*Does 90% lean beef mean the cow has only 10% body fat? 

So really we should take it as a compliment if ever called a cow.

*Really soft lips and a really scruffy beard just cancels each other out to make an OK kiss.

*Do general authorities of the LDS church, when writing a talk ever think "This is going to be made into a vinyl sign."?

*If one couldn't roll their "R's" in Ireland would that be the equivalent as having a lisp?

*Every time I write an email or text to someone who I know got their degree in English I am way more aware of my grammar and punctuation. I feel like they are analyzing  me the way a psychiatrist would analyze someone's words and body language. 

Stresses me out.

*One day when Trevor was telling me about his day at work he mentioned Sunday, a lady who works in accounting. When he was done I asked him, "What do you think of the name Sunday?"

"Meh, I don't really like it."

Pause

"Uh..... I mean..... I think month names are way better than week names."

Deep Thoughts - On Breastfeeding - Part Deux

By: Jack Handy April Millar

 *Breastfeeding is excellent for posture. You no longer have the desire to slouch because when you do your nipples touch your belly button.

*After watching Bridget play with my empty water bottle I thought "Water bottles are shaped like breasts." So in essence, none of us have given up the boob.

*Don't buy your nursing bra two days after you give birth when your boobs are engorged. After a couple weeks you could put both boobs and a fist in one of the cups to try and fill it out. And after a couple of months you will never wear it again because it's so large your baby could sit in it.

*The breast pump will become your best friend, maybe even before your husband.

*If your baby starts to prefer the bottle over you, so you make her eat only from you, but then you decide one day to give her a bottle again, don't be surprised when she gags. 

*Breastfeeding definitely gets better: I trained Bridget to tickle my neck whenever she is eating.

Deep Thoughts: on breastfeeding

By: Jack Handy April Millar

*Each time the milk "comes in" it feels like a brain-freeze... in your breasts.

*When breastfeeding, life is so much better without a shirt on. Cultures whose women don't wear tops is not because they are third world, it's because they are smart.

*People should not be offended when seeing a woman breastfeed in public, they should be impressed. To discreetly breastfeed is quite a talent. and if discreetly means a grown woman with a blanket over her head and partial breast exposure, then count me in. There will be no hiding this talent under a bushel. 

*Believe people when they say the pain from latching on and the blood from the cracked nipples goes away. Just don't count on the time line they give you. Your boobs now have a mind of their own (thus the reason they can get brain freezes) so they will heal when they feel like it.

*If it seems that your milk is having an effect more like butter than milk and is apparent by the rate at which your babies cheeks are growing, be proud.

*If one of your breasts seems to not have an "off" valve and will leak without restraint, try putting a bottle under it to catch the drops. You may end up with 2 1/2 ounces of saved breast milk with each feeding and can completely gross people out when you tell people you are feeding her with your drippings.

Deep Thoughts

By: Jack Handey April Millar

I am supposed to lay off the wheat.

Mostly because it gives me major heartburn but also because I could definitely use less carbs in my life.

So what did I cut out?

The crust on my sandwiches.

 For some reason growing up I always thought I needed to eat the crust on the sandwich because it's the worst part so therefore it has to be the most healthy, right?

Like with potatoes or apples.

It was only a few weeks ago when I was choking down the outer rind of my PB&J when I realized there are no more nutrients in the crust than in the rest of the bread!

 Best. Day. Ever.

Here is a recent text conversation between Trevor and me in consecutive order:

April: "Thanks for not having tiny hands"

Trevor: "Tiny Hands?"

April: "Every time I see someone with little hands and they wave them around while they talk I get all distracted. It looks funny."

(3 min lapse in time)

April: "Oh man Trev, I'm feeling Chinese"

Trevor: "What does that feel like?"

(We get a lot done in the day.)

I would so much rather have the stomach flu than a sore throat. I know because I threw up in my garbage can at work 2 days ago, and today I woke up with a sore throat. I compared, and today is way worse. 

You thought from the picture that this was going to be very introspective and inspiring.

I guess I'm just not one of those blogs. Ye be warned.